In which I introduce myself

I'm in college for animation.
I'm engaged.
My parents are divorced.
I have ADHD, anxiety and depression.
I'm trying to work my shit out.

Now that I know that I have 'unmanageable anxiety' it's hard for me to sort out what I really should be upset about and what my brain is blowing out of proportion. My councilor said to start a diary. Here I am. Fingers crossed.

It's been a rough couple of years, and I'll get to that soon enough. How about we start at the beginning . Might as well. I don't plan on sharing this with anyone I know. Probably.

I grew up in a tiny Ontario town called Beaverton. We lived there until I was almost five. I had some friends there, but they moved away before we did. I still talk to one of them over MSN and Facebook. We had a half-acre back yard, tall trees I could climb, a treehouse and a jungle gym. My dad used to mow mazes into the tall grass, sometimes with a picnic area for us to eat in. We had a cat. Dad worked hours away, and mum stayed home with me. I started playing piano at age three. I also played violin. Took ballet. Highland dancing...

We moved then to Port Perry. It's a nice town for the adults, little children and the elderly, but for teenagers it's a wasteland. It's not as bad as Oshawa, but it's a tiny town with nothing to do. I went to school in the french immersion program. I was never popular. All my friends in elementary school were either nerd guys, gifted kids or delinquents. (I'm only still friends with the nerd guys.)

In grade five my teacher picked on me so much I started having nervous breakdowns in school, and my mum would have to come and get me. I switched over to English in grade six and was semi-popular for that year. Probably the best year of my life so far, to be quite honest. I had a great group of girlfriends who would actually call me to see if I wanted to come play, we'd do fun girly things, sit together, gossip... and the teachers were nicer too. Grade seven I went back into french immersion. I made friends with a girl named Carly. Carly had another 'best friend' named Christina. She used to alternate between us, and badmouth us to each-other. By mid-grade eight Christina and I actually started talking and realized that Carly was not worth being friends with.

Since grade two or three there had been this cliq of about five girls that basically ruled the school. Mila, Caylie, Shelly, Megan, Katelyn and Justine. Mean Girls had nothing on these six. They were the cruelest most soul-crushing group of bitches you've ever come across. They started wearing makeup in grade 5. The term prosti-tot springs to mind. Not that it's terribly relevant now. I've seen a couple of them once or twice since the end of high-school, but I had to put up with their shit for 8 years. And then there was Jason. Mercifully he left after grade 5. He used to pull my hair and sucker punch me, kick me, and generally abuse me. I used to come home every day covered in bruises. I was a tiny kid. I broke 5 foot in grade 8. My mum put me in karate in elementary school, and I went until I got my blue belt. I've only ever punched someone in anger once in my life. My mum would get so mad that she was spending all this money teaching me how to defend myself and I wouldn't. We were taught that we should not fight back unless it was a life-threatening situation... which it never was.

Next: Highschool... But That's another post for another day. Must stop procrastinating! Back to work!